Review: "The Unhoneymooners" by Christina Lauren ★★★

Review: The Unhoneymooners by Christina Lauren

📖 Buddy Read with the lovely Lea ೀ.ᐟ⭒ ☁️♡🪐༘⋆ This enemies-to-lovers fake marriage vacation rom-com was cute and witty in a lot of ways 💛 but unfortunately its narrative, characters and overall plot despite the promising blurb failed to charm me as much as I’d like. Forget unhoneymoon, it was unsatisfactory.

For the first time in days, I am completely, no-hesitation, no-doubting-it happy… He smiles over at me, and my heart does an uneasy somersault beneath my breastbone because I realize I’m wrong: for the first time in months—maybe years—I’m happy. And with Ethan, of all people.

PLOT SUMMARY
32-year-old Olive Torres is the unlucky twin. She got laid off her pharmaceutical job and everything always goes wrong, whereas everything for her twin sister Ami always goes right. So right that she wins various coupons and trips, including her honeymoon: a 10-day trip to Maui, Hawaii. However, luck appears to be in Olive’s favour as all the guests at Ami and Dane’s wedding in Minnesota, especially the bride and groom themselves, all come down with food poisoning. More, still, Olive is offered a job as a medical-science liaison at a prestigious company.

Not wanting her all-paid inclusive honeymoon to go to waste, Ami wants Olive to go in her stead. However, Dane has also asked his older brother 34-year-old digital ID planner Ethan Thomas to go in his place – a man she despises who also didn’t get the food poisoning. Not wanting to miss out on a free vacation, they both reluctantly decide to go and can potentially keep their distance. What could go wrong: a sister with the same looks and a brother with the same surname? Nothing, surely.

But it does, of course: not only is the boss of her upcoming job there, but Ethan’s ex is also lingering there with her new fiancé. Olive and Ethan then agree to pretend to really be a married couple so nobody discovers the truth. As time goes on, as they do more and more intimate activities, Ethan and Olive think they may have got off on the completely wrong foot. And Olive comes to find secrets that could turn her sister’s perfect world upside down.

He doesn’t break eye contact. Not even for a breath. “It’s so exhausting pretending to hate you.”

This is told from the first-person present-tense POV of Olive, with the epilogue told from the perspective of Ethan.

OVERALL OPINIONS
As a Sophie, we don’t claim Ethan’s ex Sophie haha. She is a nasty girlie!

This is my first Christina Lauren book, so I went in with an open mind. I have to say, I had no idea Christina Lauren is a pen name for co-author duos Christina Hobbs and Lauren Billings, who have produced various popular romance novels. This is so interesting and considerably rare. The narration was seamless and felt like it was written by one person.

Considering this is their most famous book, I was excited to finally dig into this. Now, don’t get me wrong I love the whole concept, I laughed just reading the premise, but the execution of it displeased me. I did enjoy the way matters were resolved and things were wrapped up though. That scene in the restaurant at the end was hilariously perfect! Some of the descriptions were so funny too, for example

The restaurant is just off the beach; it’s convenient because when all this blows up in my face, it will only be a short walk to drown myself in the ocean.

I believe the reason I didn’t like it is the insane amount of cringy moments. For example, when Olive rambles, or the actual words she says like just explicitly talking about her coconuts or being against his eggplant. The more I read about her, the less I was inclined to believe she was 32. She acts like someone would if they were a teen or in their twenties.

Another thing about it was that somehow some scenes just dragged on for too long, so I just didn’t enjoy it. The “naked twister” scene for example, there was too much description for a fall and tangle and then recovery which I feel should have been more simplified and I would have laughed more. Another example is when Olive’s family texts her while she’s reading the speech on her phone, whilst in the same room as her. The joke was funny but it went on too long and there were too many interruptions so I thought it went too far. Let her say a bit more.

I was so frustrated and wanted to throw the whole book when neither Ethan nor Ami believed Olive. Yes okay, we need some tension and, in this case unfortunately, further miscommunication and a third-act breakup (my two least favourite tropes) but this just made me loathe both her boyfriend and her sister. Both of them are so quick to believe Dane and I know that is the problem of being around someone manipulative but come on if my sister told me there was something wrong, I would still hear her out.

Oh and Ethan was mixed bags for me. When he was lovely and kind, he was good. But any time he was like “is there the possibility you misinterpreted the situation?” I hated that, like is he for real right now? He’s no better than his manipulative brother. Constant gaslighting and making her question her own gut instincts – it’s just as Olive says “What do I have to gain from lying about Dane?” nothing literally zero, stop. And breaking up with her over it too?? Bruhhh.

The things that saved some of these moments were the funny exchanges. I adored Ethan and Olive’s running/recurring jokes (“Are you decent?” “Am I ever?” or calling each other anything but their actual names), the fact that Olive’s family all rally together whenever there is a crisis, and I have to say the moment where Ami frames Dane and Ethan also appears on the scene like “what is happening right now?” was amusing!

The thing I actually loved the most about this was the epilogue because it was from the POV of Ethan for the first time in the whole story. It is a direct contrast with Olive’s own desire to go “back in time go back in time and see him through these new eyes”, as we get to go to the future to see Olive through his eyes. The fact they have both changed their views of each other as the story progresses.

<< Positives >> 🠚 The concept is original and hilarious.
🠚 Representation of women in STEM through Olive
🠚 Some quotes and descriptions were lovely
🠚 Funny moments between Ethan and Olive
🠚 The concluding chapters and epilogue were great!
<< Negatives >>
🠚 The story wasn’t as good as the actual premise
🠚 Cringy moments
🠚 Some scenes dragged on so the humour got old very quickly
🠚 Ethan. Just Ethan. Gaslighting her every time she thinks something badly of her brother. I get it, it’s his brother, I really do. But yeah no I didn’t like that at all.
🠚 The misunderstanding felt so odd
🠚 The chemistry was lacking
🠚 The proposal scene in the epilogue, though being another amusing miscommunication factor and I can see why others might like it, kind of spoiled it for me.

CHARACTERS
-ˋˏ ꒰ Olive꒱ ˎˊ-
↳ She is a great individual. As a woman in STEM, it makes sense she is very analytical and draws conclusions based on what she can tell of their behaviour. She jumps to the worst-case scenario, like me. I am glad she is honest about her personal situation at the workplace (even if it gets her fired).
🠚It is nice that she finds a job she is passionate about, albeit this confused me since she seemed to love the one she was trying to get into. I like that she finds and embraces her individuality, considering she has a twin.
🠚I don’t know if Ali Hazelwood took note of Olive when she wrote The Love Hypothesis 2 years later, but they feel so similar. They both ramble on to the extent I cringe.
-ˋˏ ꒰ Ethan꒱ ˎˊ-
↳ As I mentioned previously, I blow from hot to cold with Ethan, and can conclude I ultimately I cannot stand him. I absolutely loved his charming side, where he is supportive of her and being thoughtful and bringing her food. And the fact he does look out for her when things are wrong.
🠚At least he owns up to his big mistake at the end just about any other time he is never wrong and insists Olive must be in the wrong doesn’t sit right with me at all. Like the fact he never for one moment thinks his behaviour caused Olive to be bitter towards him in the beginning, it’s all “you were mean to me” when she did nothing and he did everything?
🠚And that scene where he was being attentive to Sophie just after sleeping with Olive and he has the audacity to say “Is this another cheese curd misreading of the situation?” – how about reassuring her of your feelings and apologise?

FAV QUOTES
• I don’t know why I always expect an argument from him, but it continually surprises me when I get agreement instead. And his voice is so deep; it almost feels like a seduction.
• I swear I see Ethan Thomas battling a genuine smile. And I get it. As much as I hate him . . . I think I’m starting to like us.
• A true nemesis doesn’t show weakness, and for sure, when I reach out to rub his back, a true nemesis wouldn’t lean into it, moaning in quiet relief. He wouldn’t shift so that I could reach him more easily, and he certainly wouldn’t scoot down the bench and rest his head in my lap, staring up at me in gratitude when I gently rake my fingers through his hair, soothing. Ethan and I are starting to build more of these good moments than bad; it sends the balance swinging into an unfamiliar direction. And I think I really like it.
• “I still hate you,” I tell him, pushing a dark curl of hair off his forehead. He nods. “I know you do.”
• He closes the book, resting it on his chest. The image is immediately filed in my braincyclopedia as an Ethan Posture, and subcategorized as Surprisingly Hot.
• He tastes like cheap alcohol and contradictions, but it is still hands-down the best kiss of my life.
• I’ve spent my entire life being compared to Ami; it’s nice having someone like me for me.
• “I’m . . . thinking.” | “Think out loud,” he says. “With me.” | My heart does this tight, twisting maneuver at the way he so easily asks me for what he needs and knows I can give him: transparency.
• “I can see this being a regular problem.” | “Problem, perfection. Tomato, tomahto.”
• He knows what I like already, I think, skirting my hands down his back as he starts to move. He’s been paying attention this entire time, hasn’t he? I wish I could go back in time and see him through these new eyes.
• He watches me leave, and in my rearview mirror I see him grow smaller and smaller. We have never been so far from that mountaintop in Maui.
• I don’t think I’ve ever imagined happiness like this. Luck, fate, determination—whatever it is, I’ll take it.
• I’m so used to seeing our faces together, so used to how she fits against my shoulder. I love her eyes and her skin and her smile. I love our wild moments and our quiet ones. Love fighting and fucking and laughing with her. I love how easy we look side by side.